Good

I drank a Red Bull tonight for the first time in about 3 years. It was probably one of the worst decisions I've made in quite some time. I sat in the library with Em for about 3 hours while he worked on a massive theological paper. I vaugely worked on a paper (and when I say vaugely I mean it) and looked up things for our wedding, tapping him on the arm every few minutes to see what he thought of this or that.

Em is much more studious than I am. Most of the people I'm close to are more studious than I am. My sister is graduating college with honors in a few weeks. She's really great, on top of being smart. When she visits, people always think we're twins, which is a fun time. I'm not nearly as good of a student as she is, though. I've been thinking about art quite a bit. I am not really artistic. I tend to give people that impression, but I'm actually pretty terrible at most (if not all) creative sorts of things. I like art a lot, though. Soon after I became a Christian, when I was 14 and in the middle of writing my first novel (the first completed one) and thought I would end up being an editor some day, I started wrestling with the idea of evil in what I wrote. This was something that I and my writer friends talked about on a pretty regular basis. Things like, can I have a character swear if that is what the character would do? Or do I have to tone down the sin represented because I'm a Christian? This semester, this same idea was something that one of my professors discussed in class. I never really answered that question for myself until the past few days. I've recently garnered a fascination with the show Being Human (UK and US, I'm sort of a fan of both). The idea of the show is a vampire, a ghost, and a werewolf who live together in a house and attempt to appear human. It sounds cheesy, and I know a lot of people who really hated it, but I would actually reccomend it if you aren't terribly squeamish.

I was watching an episode a few days ago and I was just completely grossed out. And that's why I like it. See, I wasn't particularly grossed out by the images, but by the idea of what was going on. It was showing sin (though not calling it sin) and the idea behind it was that these sinful actions were entirely disgusting. The characters who live entrenched in sin are portrayed as disgusting beings, not as witty or sugar-coated. One of the driving ideas behind the show is that everyone is completely depraved; humans and monsters alike. As I was watching it, I realized how horrified I was by the sins that were being portrayed. Not just in one instance, but throughout. Everything from lying, to sexual immorality, to murder, to completely grey areas were displayed quite accurately. In response, I had this incredible moment where I realized that all the disgust I felt toward the characters on the show is exactly the response I should have to sin. I realized that in that moment, my complete abhorence of sin was probably the most Godly reaction I've ever had toward any sort of film - most of all Christian films. I think that matters. I think it matters that art can cause me to hate sin. I think that idea should affect the way that I write. It should affect the way I doodle on my notes for the one class I use paper in. It should affect the way I look at art. More than that, I think that realization about the depravity of sin (and, in turn, me) should affect every part of my life. I'm bad at endings, and I'm working on that, but the Red Bull is wearing off. Please pardon the lack of paragraphs. They were originally there, I promise. Somehow they became lost in between me typing and posting and they refuse to come back.